Do you ever feel like progress is taking a long time? Like maybe it’s not working at all?
I just thought I’d check in on my driving journey. You can read here about how I’ve struggled with driving anxiety, and I’m going through a process of progressive exposure therapy with driving. And honestly, it’s working! Compared to where I was two years ago (even a year ago), there is night and day difference!
It’s easy to think I’m going too slowly, and get frustrated with myself. Can you relate with something you are working on?
But the truth is that progress is really happening.
I’m working hard on getting to the point where I can get to Northwich from Manchester completely on motorway and A roads (apart from the little town bits either end). The Lord showed me that it would be a good idea to build up to that incrementally, planning a route that incorporates parts of the ‘real’ journey without tackling it all at once, because my struggles are around being on a big road for a long stretch and not being able to pull over.
I’ve been working hard on incrementally adding bits of the ‘real’ route, alongside easier bits to give me a breather. To be honest, it’s working. It’s really working! It’s just taking a while. In my head, I feel like it should be going faster. But, actually, I think this pace is ok.
I tend to be more tired on the way back and the way back is harder, so I haven’t got as far with that, but, on the way, as of a few days ago, I now do the first third of the ‘real’ journey, come off for a breather on easier roads, and then pick up the ‘real’ route for the final third, which feels pretty easy now because I’ve been doing that bit for months. The first third is hard, because it involves a bit of smart motorway and a longish stretch where I can’t pull over. I’ve only been doing that first third for a few days, and it’s not easy. The first couple of times were HARD. But I was encouraged that it was definitely easier this week!
On a good day, some things feel almost easy. On a bad day, I’m surprised by how hard they are!
I’ve also had a couple of setbacks lately. I’ve been practicing tiny bits of motorway I don’t know as well, which will eventually become part of the ‘real’ way back. The past couple of Saturdays, I’ve done practice runs of these bits, and both times I freaked out and got pretty upset. Nothing happened: I did the driving and got back ok, but I was pretty upset, and surprised by how hard it was. But I think that’s how growth works: you have setbacks that surprise you, but you pray and keep going, adjusting things if you need to.
I can be discouraged by setbacks and slowness, but I don’t think that’s how God sees it. I think He smiles when His children in Jesus (you can find out how you can be one here) step out in faith, even when the steps may seem small to other people, because He understands. 🙂
When I look back, I realise I have come a long way, and I can only praise God, because all of the glory is His! This time last year, I was unsure of whether I’d ever make it to Northwich in my car at all. Now, I’m impatient with myself for not doing it all on big roads yet!
I guess the truth is that part of me wanted to be further on than this by now. But I think I’m realising that I’m more like a tortoise than a hare. And I think that’s ok.
A tortoise goes slower than most, but the thing about a tortoise is that it just keeps going, progressively making more and more progress, until it suddenly looks back and realises how far it has come!
And I think that setbacks shouldn’t be too much of a surprise, or too discouraging. I think setbacks are just part of the process.
And, actually, I think it won’t be too long before the ‘real’ route to Northwich comes together. One day, I’ll look back and realise how far God brought me from this point. 🙂
So I guess I can keep on quietly being a tortoise. It may be slower than I expected, but I think it may be kind of faster in the end, too… and very strong! 🙂
Is there something that you’ve been quietly persevering with? Can you be encouraged today, too? Maybe a lot more is happening than you realise! 🙂
Caroline Abblitt 